An estimated 63 million Americans provide unpaid care to an adult family member or a disabled child. About 37% of unpaid caregivers provide care to their parent or parent-in-law. Due in large part to the aging of the Baby Boomer generation, the nation has seen a 45% increase in the number of family caregivers during the last ten years.

Unpaid caregiving may be motivated by love, by a sense of duty, or by lack of alternatives. Regardless of motivation, family caregiving is stressful. Family caregivers often sacrifice their income and potential career advancement to help their family members.

Caregivers live with the fear that their efforts will not provide sufficient support for older adults whose physical or mental condition may continue to deteriorate. They may develop an unwarranted sense of guilt that they aren’t doing everything they can, regardless of the sacrifices they make. For most, stress is the unwelcome result of caregiving.

Coping With Caregiver Stress

Writing for the Wall Street Journal, columnist Elizabeth Bernstein confesses that she is “exhausted by sustained fear, grief, chaos and, yes, frustration” by her experience caring for her parents during the last six years. She has increasingly felt overwhelmed as she juggles caregiving with work, family, and the holiday season.

Bernstein asked for coping advice from people who have “adjusted their mindset” to gain strength as they are reaching their breaking point. She passed on their advice to her Journal readers. Here are some highlights, supplemented with additional information:

• Maintain a sleep routine. Eating and sleeping on a regular schedule contributes to stress relief. Of course, uninterrupted sleep may be difficult when a parent wakes up in the middle of the night and needs help to use the bathroom. The Caregiver Action Network nevertheless encourages family caregivers to go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. If it is possible to schedule a nap during the day, that may be a way to add more time to the caregiver’s sleep schedule. Maintaining a routine and using relaxation techniques to improve the quality of sleep can help caregivers reset their mind and body before facing the challenges of another day.
• Exercise regularly. Exercise is critical to maintaining physical and mental health. Bernstein recommends exercising in nature, particularly near water. Understanding that caregivers have little personal time in which they can exercise, the American Heart Association suggests stretching, yoga, and vigorous house cleaning as daily activities that keep the body in motion.
• Let your feelings out. Caregivers compound their stress by bottling up their frustration and fear. Developing a support network helps caregivers share their burden with others. Talking to a friend about overwhelming emotions or acknowledging negative thoughts in a journal can help caregivers cope with their stress. Other techniques that experts suggested to Bernstein include meditation, watching short comedy videos on YouTube, and playing with a dog.
• Live in the moment. Remembering the life a caregiver has sacrificed promotes gloominess. Looking ahead with fear of the loved one’s continuing decline or death is equally depressing. Focus instead on the present, including “small wins” when the parent is happy. Sharing a laugh or recognizing the pleasure a parent feels while looking at old photographs can ease the caregiver’s mind. Think about one task at a time — prepare a meal, help the disabled parent take a bath — and then move to the next one. By taking life not just one day at a time, but one hour or one minute at a time, caregivers are better able to feel the satisfaction of achievement.
• Listen to your body. It may not be possible to take a break every time a caregiver needs one, but it is possible to recognize warning signs that a caregiver is reaching the limits of her endurance. Tense shoulders, a rapid pulse, or a sense of nausea are signals that the caregiver needs to rest. Taking a walk around the block or chatting with a neighbor can help the body cope with anxiety, even if the break lasts only a few minutes.
• Eat a healthy diet. Proper nutrition is as important for caregivers as it is for the parent the caregiver is feeding. Stay hydrated, avoid ultra-processed foods, and eat a healthy balance of grains, protein, and fruits and vegetables.
• Recognize the importance of your work. Caregivers provide essential services. Their efforts maximize the quality of the remaining years in a loved one’s life. Caregiving is more than a familial obligation. It is a way of returning the love of a parent who also made sacrifices in her life to raise a family. Remembering the importance of caregiving every day is the kind of affirmation that goes a long way toward managing anxiety.