How to care for mom in fragile health who refuses to move from home

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    Greetings: I’m a newcomer and I’m really hoping someone has some answers for me. I come from a large family, seven kids, and like many large families these days, we’re spread all over the country. Problem is that our mother, now in her 80s and in fragile health, still lives in the farmhouse where we were born and raised and refuses to move. She wants us to come and take care of her and thinks we ought to stop our lives and come home to take care of her. Problem is we all have families and jobs and none of us can just stop everything and go back home to take care of her and she refuses to leave and won’t settle for a stranger. She has always been very independent and she’s capable. She ran the farm after our father died. But now her balance is bad and she needs a cane, her hearing and vision are going and she takes lots of medicines and that really needs to be supervised so that she remembers and doesn’t mix them up. So what do we do? We all love our mother and worry that she can’t live alone any more but none of us is able to leave job and family to move in with her and be her caregiver and she won’t accept anything else. Adding to our worries, she’s become so bitter and angry and so negative that no one wants to be around her for long. Her closest family is about two hours away. We all try but it is hard. What else can we do. Ideas and suggestions most welcome.


    A first step would be to find a geriatric care manager in your area that will assess your mother, identify her challenges and problems, and then meet with all of you (you can conference call or even Skype) to help develop a Care plan. Your mother also should see a primary care doctor to evaluate her for medical problems and review all of her medications. From here, the Care manager can develop what options and resources are available to help her stay at home, and hopefully this neutral party will diffuse some of your mother’s anger and bitterness.

    You can find Geriatric Care Managers on, and also check local senior centers, hospitals, and home care agencies for local references.


    Melba Militante

    Caring for an elderly or terminally ill loved one is a universal experience that we all experience at one point or another.  We know, however, that not every family has the time or resources to devote to do so.  Lemory Senior Care also knows that there is a limited amount of options for those looking for reasonably priced compassionate caregiving service.  And Lemory is committed in finding that solution to your needs.

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    I understand your situation. My mother was the same, she stayed alone in her house till her death 2 years before. dad had passed away 5 years before and moms health had deteriorated after that. But she refused to move from there and managed on her own. We are 3 children and I am the closest, which is at a driving distance of 3 hours. I used to visit her whenever possible . We installed an intrusion alarm and a personal emergency response system ( ) at her home But at the end of the day I if mom doesn’t pick up the phone when I call her I used to get all nervous.

    I’ll suggest you to call a home nurse if your mom is okay with that. That will give you some relief.



    Calling up a home nurse will work for sure!



    <p>Home nurse will be the best option</p><p> </p>

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by ConVac.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by ConVac.


    <p>We just got my dad 24/7 in home care… expensive but worth it.</p>



    <p>If she is not willing to move I’d suggest making sure that her home is outfitted as well as possible for her to live comfortable and safely. We had to install a walk in tub into our grandmothers home to ensure that she could safely bathe herself while minimizing the risk of slipping and falling without anyone of us there. <br /><br />Quick read that helped us make our decision here from Bentley Baths (out of Denver where we are).</p><p>Other services include things like emergency call responders for if and when she were to have an issue that would notify an emergency patrol to call if not come and check in on her.</p>

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