Three months ago, you buried your father. The grief is still raw, the house still feels like his, and the estate is sitting exactly where it was the day he died. Your brother was named executor in the will — a role that comes with real responsibilities — but so far, nothing has moved. No property listed, no accounts closed, no word on when any of the family might see a dime of what Dad left behind.

Your siblings are frustrated. You’re all wondering the same thing: what are our options before things get ugly?

First, Some Perspective on Timing

Before assuming the worst, it helps to know that most estates take anywhere from several months to a couple of years to fully settle. Three months in is genuinely early — especially if the estate includes real property, outstanding debts, or any complexity at all. Creditors must be notified and given time to file claims. Taxes may need to be addressed. Property may need to be appraised before it can be sold.

That said, patience has limits. An executor does have a legal duty to act with reasonable diligence, and if months continue to pass without any visible progress or communication, it is fair to ask why.

Grief Can Complicate Everything

Handling an estate after the death of a parent is often a burdensome, thankless task. Even for someone acting in complete good faith, it can feel overwhelming. There are bills to settle (creditors are paid before any distribution to heirs), papers to sort through, accounts to close, and assets to appraise and sell.

There’s also the emotional weight. Some executors cope with loss by keeping the estate open — as long as the house isn’t sold and the accounts aren’t closed, the finality of the death feels a little less real. This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a stage of mourning. It is grief.

What it can say, if left unaddressed, is that the estate could drag on far longer than necessary — and that frustration from siblings can make things worse. When heirs show impatience, an executor who already feels overwhelmed may become defensive. That defensiveness can slow things down further.

Start With a Family-First Conversation

Before anyone mentions “removal” or “lawyers”, gather your siblings for a compassionate conversation with your brother. It will not be easy, but it’s the right first step.

Instead of saying, “You aren’t doing your job”, start by acknowledging his role. Let him know you recognize how much work goes into settling an estate and that you appreciate what he has been doing, even if progress hasn’t been visible. Tell him you all miss Dad too. Ask whether something is making it hard to move forward — practically or emotionally — and whether there is anything the family can do to help.

Then, gently make the stakes clear. Going to court — with lawyers, filing fees, and a judge weighing in — is expensive for everyone involved when there is a valid will and a named executor. It is far better to work it out among family. Frame this not as a threat, but as a shared interest: you all want the estate wrapped up without it costing more than it has to.

Practical Ways to Move Things Along

If the conversation goes well, look for concrete ways to reduce his burden. You might offer to take specific, non-legal tasks off his plate:

a) Paperwork Hunt: offer to help organize utility bills, compile bank accounts and statements, car titles, deeds, tax returns, life insurance policies, stock certificates, and outstanding bills

b) The Property Guard: offer to check on the house, mow the lawn, research local estate sale companies, getting the house cleaned out

c) Hire a Professional: suggest using some of the estate’s funds to hire an estate attorney or a CPA who can take a great deal of the administrative weight off a grieving family member who didn’t realize how much work the role entailed.

When the Delay Persists

If months pass after your conversation and meaningful progress still hasn’t been made, it is time to consult an estate attorney who is familiar with the laws in your state. Executors are accountable to the court, and probate courts exist precisely because disputes about estates — including delays by executors — are not uncommon. An attorney can advise you on whether a formal petition for accounting or a motion to compel action is appropriate, and what the process and costs would look like.

The goal, always, is to honor what your father intended. With a mix of patience and a helping hand, most families can cross the finish line without ever setting foot in a courtroom.