Elderly parent who is abusive about finances

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    I have been helping my mom financially (she’s 74 years old), and it’s becoming a real problem for me. I don’t make that much money, but I do give her money for food and incidentals every week. She lives in a senior housing development and has someone take her shopping every week, but she spends too much. I tell her that I can’t afford to give her more money, but then she gets angry and accuses me of stealing her money. She’s very abusive and I dread talking to her these days. Any advice for how to deal with an elderly parent who is abusive about finances?



    A financial counselor may be able to tactfully help by explaining to your mom better ways of handling her money, and start a budget system with her. The key is this person, whether it is a financial professional, a friend, or maybe church member, is not you, her family member. This neutral person will not benefit from anything your mom doesn’t spend, so your mom’s suspicions in that area can be softened. Also, since elders understandably get sick of being told by their adult children how to handle their lives, a third party makes it more professional and less emotional. There’s a better chance she will listen.

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